I’m currently training for a marathon which, believe it or not, is a lot less dramatic than it sounds. When I hear “marathon runner,” I typically think of some sleek, fast, athlete type who zips along with a 7:30 mile time and barely breaks a sweat. Personally, I can’t walk the next day if I try to run a full mile in one go (and, believe me, I am not fast – my mile time is barely at 10:30). I am about as far from that stereotype of a marathon runner as one can get. I hear you wondering how I expect to survive this marathon. I’ll let you know when I figure that out.
Throughout the course of this challenge I’ve willingly inflicted upon myself, I’ve learned a few things: first, that having something to work towards does keep life interesting, even if it means giving up my Saturday morning lie-in to drag myself 13 miles through the sleepy streets of St. Petersburg. Second, I’ve learned that I actually don’t hate running as much as I thought. This isn’t to say I love it and now self-identify as a passionate runner, but I have found that it’s a really great way to clear my head after a long day at work. Third, I’ve realized that there are, in fact, aspects to running that I can relate to my work as a mental health counselor. It’s always awesome when multiple areas of my life neatly tie in together.
I use a training app on my runs because I find that the combination of music and a trainer’s voice telling me to keep moving and check my form help to override the thoughts of “oh God, I’m so bored” and “everything hurts, why am I doing this?” I can’t think of a better example for how negative thoughts affect our behavior. There are some days when I just do not have the wherewithal (or headphone battery power) to ignore the little voice in my head that says, “you’ll be fine if you do 3 miles instead of 5” or “that pain in your side is only going to get worse, so you should probably stop now.” Other days, I’m able to override those thoughts by focusing on the music playing in my headphones or the pelicans catching their breakfast as the sun rises over Tampa Bay. If I’m too caught up in my thoughts, I am much more likely to steer myself home sooner than I am supposed to, feeling an odd mix of relief and disappointment at my lack of discipline. The days when I’m able to let my thoughts float by without focusing on them (because managing negative thoughts doesn’t mean they don’t show up anyway) are incredibly physically demanding, but at the end of it, I’m really proud of myself (even if my average mile time is 15:30), which helps to reinforce this behavior in the future.
My last blog post was an overview of identifying and accepting how we feel. How we feel very much affects how we think and so much of how we handle those thoughts and feelings comes from years and years of learned behavior. We’re not really taught to check in with ourselves, to observe the quantity and quality of our thoughts, or to notice how we feel, which means that we often end up being hurled through wave after wave of turbulent emotion, feeling completely out of control. We’re never told that we don’t actually have to listen to the thoughts that show up in our head. Instead, we tend to feel that whatever’s in our head is there for a reason, or is an accurate representation of our experience when, in fact, these thoughts are often linked to our emotions, and emotionally infused thoughts are usually illogical and can cause more harm than good both in terms of how we feel and how we act.
It’s tough to change our relationship with our thoughts, especially when we’re not used to being mindful and observing how we think. I frequently have clients tell me that they don’t know what their thoughts are like, that the thoughts come too fast to get a handle on, or are too overwhelming. Sometimes the best first step is simply noticing what’s happening in your head – kind of like how you may notice that lamp in your room, but don’t spend too much time actually pondering its existence. Learning to observe our thoughts but not actually listen to them is a huge part of building our ability to surf those emotion waves and to keep working towards our goals, even if we don’t feel like it sometimes.
We’re here to help with this by helping you develop real, practical skills that you can use on a daily basis. Make an appointment and come talk to us. We’re here to help.